Alright, sis. Lemme be real af with you for a second. In too many social and professional spaces BIPOC women, especially Black women, are hit with this heavy pressure to code-switch and shrink ourselves. And for what? To fit into spaces that were never built for us. You know the ones I’m talking about … the ones that are predominantly white and hella patriarchal.
The idea is that if we tweak our behavior, stop using AAVE, change our tone, or even adjust our look (maybe don’t wear braids to the office or cover up our piercings and tattoos), we might actually be accepted, climb the corporate ladder, or (on a good day) maybe just avoid some gotdamn drama.
But let’s be real—this approach rarely works out the way we hope. So, let’s gone ‘head and talk about why making ourselves smaller is not the move and maybe explore a couple ways to stay true to who we are while taking corporate ‘murica by storm.
The Illusion of Safety … and Acceptance
The main reason behind code-switching and shrinking ourselves is that we’re hoping for safety and acceptance. Our parents and grandparents have taught a lot of us that if we adapt to what’s seen as “professional” or “polished,” we’ll dodge discrimination and win favor. But here’s the tea: this so-called safety is a damn pipe dream. And before you argue with me, think about it for a second. Because as much as Martin Luther King Jr. played respectability politics game, he was still shot in cold blood while wearing a suit 🙃
Code-switching to fit in is bad for you, fam. It keeps us in a constant state of stress and makes us all feel disconnected from who we really are. It’s emotionally exhausting and can lead to burnout. Not to mention cause a serious hit to your self-worth.
And shrinking yourself (like downplaying your achievements, dimming your presence, or suppressing your best, most authentic, natural self) doesn’t shield you from prejudice. It just reinforces the idea that you need to change who you are to earn respect. This only continues the vicious cycle of being undervalued and excluded.
The Hidden Costs
And sis, the fallout from code-switching and shrinking goes way beyond the emotional and psychological strain it has on us mentally. It can also:
Screw with your self-esteem because always adjusting yourself to fit someone else’s standards can do a number on the most confident mf in the room, not just you. When you’re constantly filtering yourself, it’s easy to lose sight of your own values and who you truly are. This can make you feel like you’re living a lie. And don’t nobody want that.
Wreak havoc on your professional life because while code-switching might look like a shortcut to advancement, it often leads to stagnation. If you’re seen as the “safer” or “more compliant” version of yourself, you might get overlooked for leadership roles or key opportunities. Those who are assertive and unapologetically themselves are more likely to get ahead.
Increase relationship issues because walking on eggshells to avoid conflict keeps you from forming deep and meaningful connections with the people around you. And let's bffr … relationships built on pretenses and censorship rarely feel loving or fulfilling.
Results in impacts to your physical health because we carry trauma in our DNA. The chronic stress from code-switching can lead to headaches, fatigue, and even more severe health issues over time. Or did you think damn near everyone in your family having sugar diabetes and high-blood pressure was normal?
So What Alternatives Are There?
I’m not a therapist, and I don’t play one on t.v., but I have attended therapy for years and I’ve learned a few strategies that have helped me stay true to myself while navigating tricky social and professional landscapes. And because I like you, lemme put you on game 😉
Set boundaries like a mf. You knew this one was coming, right? Draw clear lines about what you will and won’t tolerate. Be firm and assertive. You don’t have to be a raging bih about it but you need to protect your mental at all costs. This starts by setting the standard for how you should be treated. Men say no and mean it all the time. We should all be aiming to take a page out of their books (in regard to this at least).
Look for safe spaces where you can be a part of a community and a company that truly values diversity and inclusion. DEI may be a hot button topic right now but there are still companies that will value you for being exactly who you are. Being in environments where your full self is appreciated makes a big difference so always prioritize organizations and groups that celebrate and support exactly who you are instead of demanding you fit into some bullshit ass mold. No paycheck is worth pretending to be someone else.
Build authentic relationships focusing on the friends, family, and romantic partners that love you as yourself. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are. If they’re not open to discussing race, identity, and inclusion in meaningful ways then baby, they ain’t for you.
Advocate for change by using your voice to push for more inclusive practices and policies in your workplace or community. Being a change-maker not only helps you but also paves the way for others who face similar challenges. You know how your grandma always said the squeaky wheel gets the grease? It's true.
Prioritize self-care on a daily basis. Self-care isn’t just a spa day once a quarter. It’s drinking enough water and doing what you can to get more sleep. It’s how you show up for yourself each day. Because if you’re not doing what you need to in order to support your mental, emotional, and physical health, ain’t nobody gonna do it for you!
Let’s Wrap This Shit Up ...
Code-switching and making yourself small might seem like practical solutions to navigate predominantly white spaces, but they come with costs that nobody should ever have to pay. Instead of making yourself smaller or changing who you are, focus on setting boundaries, finding inclusive spaces, building genuine relationships, advocating for change, and taking care of yourself.
Embracing your full self is a powerful act of self-respect and a crucial step towards creating a more equitable and accepting world for everyone. And you deserve to live in a world that loves you exactly as you are. You got this, sis. I believe in you. And I’m so grateful that you’re a part of our 6 Figure Chick Community!
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